Virtue of selfishness

The phone chimed its sing song tone as Mr.Neeladhri in the neighbouring cubicle looked up annoyed.

I smiled at him giving an apologetic look. The phone was already in its lowest setting and its still loud in the quiet office. For that matter all phones are equally loud, but it did not seem to matter for Mr.Neels, he screwed up his face, mumbled something and went back to work.

'Hello, Pankaj here" I said

' hola Pankaj, how about tea' said the voice on the other end. It was Philip.

'Okey, see you in five at the caf' I said and kept the phone down.

I gave a perfunctory smile to Mr.Neels who was still peeved and got up.

' yo Raghu..' i called out stretching my arms and to the sides..

Raghu is a quiet fellow in his late twenties. He is one odd ball. He is a jolly fellow and is always chirpy and keeps teasing women and seems to enjoy their company. He is quite popular with the girls too. But from what I have seen I have rarely seen him go out with anyone. He would not even give them his phone number. He was quiet privy to his cell phone number. Obviously he has a girl friend and did not want to tell anyone for the sake of losing his stardom .

Phil, on the other hand is a run of the mill Indian engineering grad, slugged it out in a nondescript engineering college down south and struggled to find his own job. Well read fellow and quiet but had become a victim for all the vices of life, wine, women and weed! But for all his vices he is an unassuming fellow and thats what makes him so like-able. One could see that he has seen the ravages of life at a young age.

The lift chimed and I soon reached the caf, the cafeteria as we called it. I saw Phil seated at our usual table playing table golf with a spoon, a ball of paper and a cup.

'Hi dude..' i said pulling up the chair..

' so what did she say..' i ask him

'pfft.. ' he said from the side of his mouth continuing to play golf

' why, what happened..' i asked

' can we eat while we talk. I'm starving.' Raghu interrupted

' I have already ordered Samosas..' this was Phil

The timing was perfect, rajaratnam the waiter turned up with the heated samosas in two plates and kept it on our table with a smile and added

' saw the match yesterday?I told you we wont win when Sachin hits a hundred..'

' get lost ' Raghu said irritated that India lost an easy match to Sri lanka even after scoring well

Rajaratnam did not mind. He knew us too well. He went away smiling..

Raghu was already invading the Samosas and I look back at Phil.

' so what did she say..'

' why ? you want to laugh at it?' it was Phil this time who got irritated..

' no dude. at least let me learn from your mistakes ..' i said trying to humour him up.

Phil is obviously deciding between whether to chill down or get annoyed at my insensitive comment..

' she said, from which hole do you guys creep out...? ' and asked me to get back into the same hole.

' oh..' I did not expect her to be so strong in her reaction..

' Good dude.. she seems to think too much of herself. let her be. ' it was Raghu , the expert.

i turn and look at him. .he was busy finishing off the Samosas and did not even look up.

'leave some for us.. ' phil says catching me looking at the plate..

' Share the other plate guys.. mine is soiled..'

I catch Phil's knowing eye and walk off to the display table in the corner to order tea. This is one aspect of Raghu, i never understood. He is a criminally selfish guy when it comes to sharing his food or drinks with anyone. He would unflinchingly take a full plate of samosas and have it for himself. Why he would not even share a single spoon of Bhel puri with anyone.

we all hated this aspect of Raghu, not many knew of this for he did not 'socialize' with anyone else spare for us and this despite his populist image.

Why should some one be so selfish , I could not fathom. We quietly got ourself another plate and shared it between ourselves. To be fair to him he did not dip into our plates as much as he did not let us into his.

We have been bearing this idiotic habit of Raghu for sometime and we learned to put up with it. My reverie was disturbed by a loud voice.

'Hey guys.. look who is here.. ' it was Dholakia from H.R., he was a prick and no less. He had a liking for his own voice and cannot stop talking even if it meant he would be killed.

' So do you guys come here daily?' he asked of us.

Phil had lost himself in the samosas leaving us to deal with Dholak baba.

Rajaratnam arrived at the same time with our tea. Dholakia ordered for some Chaat and turned back to us.

' not really.. whenever we are in a mood' said Raghu biting into his samosa

' oh you guys ordered Samosas.. how is it.. ' he queried trying to do the unthinkable! he dipped his hands into Raghu's plate and tore off piece of Samosa.

What happened next will be etched in my memories forever. In a sweeping movement Raghu lifted his plate away and snatched the piece from Dholakia's hands and in the process he managed to jostle the table so much that the hot tea spilled onto Dholakia's hands.

Dholakia was stunned and so were we. He screamed in pain! Raghu simply looked away and called out

'Raja get sir some cold water and clean this table...'

'Guys lets move to another table..' he said non nonchalantly and got up.

We did not know what to say.. we knew the rules.. but poor Dholakia.. he was way too stunned and was starting to fume.

He got up in with an angry look in his face and his voice was quivering..

'Why did you have to do that you ..' he restrained himself from saying anything further..

Raghu was least perturbed and replied calmly..

'Never touch my food again Dholakia, I do not tolerate that..' we were surprised by his cool and remorseless demeanour. Whats gotten over him? Whats the harm in sharing one silly piece of Samosa...

I was starting to lose it myself..

" Raghu.. whats the harm dude.. We will get you more Samosas if thats what you want, why not share a piece.. what harm did Dholakia do?" the pent up annoyance putting up with this behavior was starting to come out

He looked up calmly assessing me.. and said.. ' No is a no.. you can get your own Samosas and share it, just dont touch my plate.. you guys know me why are you asking me after all these years?'

I felt bad for a fleeting instant.. true we had know this for years even though we tried asking him to share just about everyday. We just chose to ignore this idiocy of his over his good qualities. But again, i could not reason with his question completely.

' No Raghu, but we have never questioned your logic behind this.. care to share it now..' I was feeling more angrier now.

Somehow my taking sides with him, silenced Dholakia into just caressing his almost burnt fist . He was intently watching me fighting his battle.

Phil was slightly fidgety. He did not want to take sides since he was a relative new comer. Myself and Raghu go way back from our fresher days in the company.

' I cant give you logic and reasons. Do you use my bike? you dont, right? Do we share a residence? Don't, right? Do we share a bank account? don't right? do we share our inner wear? Don't right? Why so much? You have your own choice of chair in the office right? Dont you get annoyed when someone else takes away your favourite chair? ....'

He paused for sec

' this is also like that. I have my own plate and cannot share it.. just eat..' he said and mumbled

'Sorry Dholakia.. i did not mean to hurt you.. but this is me.. '..

Dholakia was stunned and I found a switch in me had gone off.. i just fumed off from that place..

Its been six months since.. I have not spoken to Raghu after that day. It appeared to me that he was least disturbed by the loss of a friend. He tried to talk to me a few times and I did not respond and he too stopped attempting after that.

" good.. serves him right... ##$#$" i thought to myself. each time i looked at him having his lunch alone. Phil had chosen to join my cause and stopped talking to Raghu..

I was on my way to office that day when the call came.. it was Phil on the line. He is a disciplinarian and always landed up in the office by 9am sharp. He must be calling to check some issue. He always had one query or the other.

'Hello, Pankaj here.. '..

' Dude, dont come to office. its a holiday..' Phil spoke on the other side..

'Why what happened..' I ask

'No idea.. the security just passed on this news..seems a relative of the owner passed away..'

' What? are we living in Nawab times? why should they declare a holiday for some relative passing away..' i ask him.

'No idea dude.. why crib about an extra holiday..?'

' alright! see you at Inox, lets catch a three in one show today..shall we.? '

' yep see you in half an hour' said Phil and hung up.

Brrr... Brrr.. my Blackberry buzzed announcing the latest email...

By habit i just looked at it.. ' We deeply regret.. ' said the subject line..

I opened the email

'We deeply regret to inform the demise of Mr. Raghuram Rai fondly known as Raghu. He passed away in the early hours of this day after a brief hospitalization. He was a living example of spirited individuals and inspired one many HIV infected to live with their heads held high. Our organization bows in deep respect to this fighter who fought his battle to the last and died valiantly.

Regretfully,

Swamy Rai

My head exploded with a thousand mixed emotions! the answers to the questions, the grief , pride and my anger at my own stupidity all overwhelmed me as I collapsed to my knees on the road...

I let myself scream....

The day I died

The minivan was hurtling down the narrow ghat road at breakneck speed. The weather was looking ominous with darkness all over and claps of thunder striking over the town below the hill. The flashes of lightning looked eerie and the town looked like a ghost town with the power having blacked out at the first sign of rain!
The minivan had started way up in Kodaikanal hills at five in the evening and was proceeding slowly until a ford vehicle with rally markings over it overtook us almost ramming into us. The driver had to slam the brakes to avoid a major accident. This had enraged the minivan driver who wanted to teach the ford driver a lesson!
He had been driving like a raging lunatic to catch up with the speeding car. The dynamics and power of the minivan was no match to that of the low slung sedan. The rain had increased and sheets of waters was pounding the windows of the van.
The van was not slowing down in spite of the falling darkness and bad roads. The driver seemed to have only one objective in mind.
"What is the driver thinking?", I told myself
"Is he trying to kill us all? "
"Why is no one complaining to the driver? are all the passengers so dumb or are they used to these things?"
"Maybe I'm finding it tough to digest being in the last row of the van"
Suddenly the van was filled with the blinding lights of an oncoming vehicle that had switched its headlights on due to the rain.
"Darned idiot, why wont we ever learn not to use high beams! Selfish idiot" i mumbled to myself.
The oncoming vehicle had completely blinded the vision and still the driver was racing. The vehicle crossed and suddenly we realized that we were running breakneck speed into a low hanging branch of a tree by the ghat road side. The driver swung hard to avoid the branch and the vehicle started sliding.
"eeeeeeeeaa..." I screamed involuntarily fearing for life. My stomach had somehow found the way into my mouth!
The other passengers seemed unperturbed and turned and gave me a nasty look as though to ask.. 'what are you five year old?"
I gave an apologetic look though I was confused as to how they can be so stoic amidst all this craziness.
The driver somehow managed to recover from this maneuver and was accelerating again! I was praying that the ghat road finish soon. I tried stealing a look down the ghat to check how much descent was left.
I could make out amidst the flashes of lightning that another twenty minutes of travel must be left.
"baaaaaaaaaaaaaammm", another vehicle passed in hte opposite direction protesting strongly for the rash driving by the van

I was holding on to dear life when it happened.
"Crraack" came a sound as the van landed hard into a deep hole filled with water! then the vehicle lurched and swayed from left to right at dangerous angles"
"aaaaaah..." this time it was the driver..
" ஸ்டீரிங் ஓடிஞ்சிருச்சு போல இருக்கே ! ஐயோ காப்பாத்துங்க "
"The steering is not working! save us" he was screaming in tamil!

The whole bus was screaming now! I joined the party and the van seemed to have decided to steer itself. It was swaying from left to right as it dropped into and climbed every rut in the road! A hairpin bend was fast approaching and the van showed no sign of slowing down..
"ப்ரக்கே போடுயா" " slam the brakes! someone was screaming
By this time it was too late and the van rammed into the fender on the bend and the back wheel lifted on impact lurching over the fender and I could see the clouds and the rains streaming down into my eyes through the back window as the lightning flashed perhaps for the last time!
I hoped desperately for some miracle fully aware none was in store.
"Wham! Whoosh" the van was bounching and rolling over the cliffs
"aaaah" i felt the world darkening around me as a heavy pain landed on my head! and silence followed............................................................................


I woke up in a dazzle of light! lot of white clad figures were looking at me amids the glare! my face was wet from perspiration! Am I in hell or heaven?

"Slaap".. someone slapped me hard on my face and I rubbed my eyes to look clearly
"Sleeping in the class , idiot, I will fail you if I ever catch you sleeping again.. get out of my class" yelled Samuel master, the maths teacher..

I walked out of the class as the truth dawned on me... what a nightmare! I mused as I rested my head on the wall. outside the class before closing my eyes. God please give me a nice dream now...